Horse People (from REC.EQUESTRIAN)


This page has been sourced from REC.EQUESTRIAN, the body of the text has been unaltered as far as possible. The information is for use at own risk.

Wendy said you'd be the one to ask, so....

The following thread (You know you're a horse person when...) took place
on rec.equestrian back in March.  I saved all the posts and edited them
(taking out the paths, just leaving in the contributions and who said
what) for posterity/packratishness? Anyways, can the following be
included onto the rec.equestrian ftp site?  Thanks.

| Tara R. Scholtz ( Univ. of Maryland, College Park   |
| Medieval History Music Library & McKeldin Library 			|
A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider
into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment.
		-Duke of Endinburgh

---------------begin forwarded message----------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.equestrian
Subject: You Know You're a Horse Person When(Adopted from rec.pets.dogs)

Hi everyone,

   Please forgive me if this has been done already on this group
   But I was reading some articles on rec.pets.dogs and they have
   a really cute thread going on called "YOU KNOW YOU'RE A DOG

   I thought it be neat to do the same thing with horses.
   So, you know you're a HORSE PERSON WHEN you look at all the piles
   of laundry sitting next to your Washing machine and most of them
   are breeches, horse blankets, saddle pads, etc... plus you don't
   even care about the horsey hair residue that will be left in the

Your husband brings the new saddle to bed so he can work on it while
watching TV.

You trade your yuppie mobile for a truck, so you can better accomodate your

You see the vet more than you see your child's pediatrician.

The floor plan of the house you're building accomodates a horse lifestyle.

You clean a horse's sheath and don't hurl.

You groom your horse and you haven't been to a beautician in ?

Your horse gets new shoes more often than you.

    Your secretary does a "hay check" on your suit each morning and
    your first stop in the office is the ladies room to remove the
    shavings from your shoes.

You patch your mud boots with duct tape and slog through knee deep mud to
get hay to your horse, who has commandered the ONLY dry spot for miles.

You get up at 5am every morning while your in college, drive 10 miles to
the barn, feed, muck stalls, ride, and rush back to your 10am class
smelling like a barn without complaining.

You are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't
mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food...

You know you are a horse AND a dog person when you don't mind throwing the
frozen manure balls for the barn's goldie to fetch!

You buy about 15 lbs. of carrots a week, but wouldn't eat
a carrot if somebody paid you.

Your non-horsy friend gives you a funny look after glancing
into the back seat of your car, and you realize he's noticed
your whips and spurs.

You say "whoa" to the dog.

You pass up attractive social invitations because they'd
confilct with your lesson schedule.

The back of your station wagon is an auxiliary tack box.

You choose your SO partly on the basis of his attachment
to your horses.

Your mother, who has no grandchildren, gets cards addressed
to Grandma, signed by the horses and the dog.

You don't even want to think about how your car would be
paid for, your mortgae would be much smaller, and you might have some
savings if you didn't have horses.

You know you're a horse person when you buy land and decide to
build the barn before the house so your horses have a place
to stay.  Then you move into the barn yourself and forget
about the house.

You know you're a horse person when you talk about having a
baby and people give you a really strange look and say, I didn't
know you were pregnant.  Oops, it's the four legged kind.

You give directions to your house and say, "It has lots of horse trailers in
the front yard."

You pull change from your pocket at work, and hay falls all over.

Someone says, "Does anyone have a screwdriver?" and you hand them a hoofpick.

The doctor says the bump on your finger is an inflamed tendon sheath,
and you tell him, "Oh, you mean a windpuff."

You cannot imagine why anyone would think it kinky to own whips.

The real estate agent asks what kind of house you are looking for, and
you say, "More than six acres."

You know you're a horse person when for once you have extra money to buy
yourself something, and you get the check out counter and
decide that you don't really need that shirt anyway.  That $25 could be an
entry fee!

I was gonna say "the horses get fed first." but around my house it's
"the horses are the only ones that get fed by me.  Kids fend for themselves." save the hoof shavings for the dog. poke your honey in the ribs, saying, "over", in the kitchen. clean your tack after *every* ride but never ever ever wash the car. have the worming, lesson and farrier schedules in your head, but
frequently miss the kid's piano lessons, girl scouts, or changing the oil
in the car. yell at the kids, and the horse's name pops out.

...on rainy days, you organize the tack room, not the house.

...your tax refund is targetted to a new saddle, not the family vacation. are unreasonably pleased to get a horse item, ANY horse item, as a
gift.  "They really cared!!!" actually like all horse items, any horse items, regardless of execution. stop channel surfing at budweiser Clydsdale commercials.

...books and movies are ruined for you if horsemanship references are
incorrect. actually get to a point where flies don't bother you so much.

This was in the September '91 Riding Magazine, by Susan Cooper, reprinted in
the "Corral" a horsey newspaper published in the midwest:

"You know you're a real horsewoman when..."

Your horse's mane and tail get better care than yours, and it shows.

Your horse gets more compliments for grooming than you do.

You spend more time preparing nutritious meals for your horse than
for your family.

You kiss your horse more often than your husbanc or boyfriend, and
enjoy it more.

You've considered moving into the barn, since it is cleaner than
the house.

Your horse seems the right choice when you need to talk something
out with someone.

You remember worming and vaccination schedules, but not your
mother-in-law's birthday.

You find yourself analyzing leg and foot conformation on your
friends, and thinking how corrective shoeing could improve
their way of going.

You jump out of bed at 5:00 a.m. on Sunday to feed before an
early ride, but barely hear the 5:00 a.m. alarm on Monday morning.

Your husband hangs around the barn hoping to get a massage when
you've finished on your horse.

Your mood today depends on how yesterday's training session went.

These could apply to either men or women, I'm just sending it
as it was published!  My husband especially agrees with moving
into the barn!  What?  Skip cleaning out stalls tonight just
so I have time to vaccuum the living room?  No Way!

... you use the house-hunting trip your new employer provides to
figure out where you will board your horse.

... you often sneak furtively into laundramats and pretend that
you really didn't just put that stinky, filthy horse blanket
into the comforter-sized machine.

... you run your tongue over your back molars and idly
wonder if they need to be floated.

... you go to the museum with a non-horsey friend and, whilst
wandering through the ancient bronzes, suddenly realize he is
asking exasperatedly, 'Well?  What about the conformation on
this one?"

You know you're a horse person when ALL of your pockets have hay in them.

You know.....when you have a small knife on your key chain (and you're
a woman)

When you buy more carrots & apples than you can possibly eat.

When you plan corn on the cob for dinner just so you can feed the cobs
to your horses for a treat

When the highlight of your day is working with your horses and your SO
works by your side cuz its the highlight of his day too

When you have more pictures of your horses in your office than you have
of your family.

Or when you build a garage that you're going to live in while you build the
house, build a barn instead, and still live in a 1 room house after 11 years
of marriage and (somewhat) gainful employment.  Just wish my barn was
something to brag about (-:

>I was gonna say "the horses get fed first." but around my house it's
>"the horses are the only ones that get fed by me.  Kids fend for
Adrienne Regard

Ouch, Adrienne, this hit too close to home!  I can put my hands
right on the horse records, but still cannot locate my son's shot

HOrses get fed first in the morning while coffee brews.  Then kids
get fed-but they are getting old enough to scrounge also.  I decided
this year to resurrect the veg garden again this year-lots of carrot
beds and other veggies for the kids so I can send them out there
when they are hungry.

We plan field trips to tack stores and horse dealers (just to see is
there is a great deal)  When we go to any store (hardware, etc, we
head for any section that might have items horse related)

More horse photos taken than kid photos.

My husband wanted to take the kids to Disneyland this month (I
begged off) but we didn't have the money because I had already
signed a contract with the electrical contractor to run electric to
my barn.  (Sure is nice having those lights and radio out there!!!)

I am also faced with the very difficult decision of selling my
Porshe 914 convertable (from my "single days) so I can get a biggerh
horse trailer.  My dad (deceased) helped me buy and maintain this
car and it has lots of sentimental value.  I really hate to part
with it-but it is probably my only chance to have a bigger trailer!

When you leave work feeling stiff, tense, with a stomach- or headache,
and all those feelings disappear the minute you go through the first
gate to the ranch.

You know you're a horse person when you open the door to the closet
where you keep your boots and the aroma of manure wafts out.

You can find your boots in the dark by the aroma.

You drive up in the yard, get out of the car and inhale the perfume
of the manure pile.

You talk to the horses like they were kids.

All your stock has 4 legs.

The only picture of you that your wife(husband, SO, whatever) has of
you shows you on your horse.

You hate posing for pictures unless you're on your horse.

You spend a lot of $ on a trip to Europe and end up spending most of
your time watching horses.

You chirp to, cluck to or spur your truck/car.

You say whoa to your truck/car.

You don't notice the barn smells on your clothes/shoes and wonder why
"regular" folks are sniffing the air

Most of your social life is with other horse folk.

Cooky McClung's stories in The Chronicle of the Horse, however humorously told
they might be,  sound like a "normal" life.

You get so mad that you can't get cable TV out at your farm that you put in
a satellite dish just so you can get more horse sports coverage
************************** have a _terrible_ fall off your horse, and your only concern is if the
horse is okay.  (And when you get dragged into the hospital, you have a
hairline fracture in your leg. Trust me, I know!)

..and all of your favorite storries involve all your falls off horses, and
other near death experiences and you actually LAUGH about the time you got
dragged around the field by a spooked horse!

Last year I barely knew what a horse was, and this year I have an Arabian mare,
a horse trailer, and a new pickup and camper (and no money).

There are more carrots in the garden than anything else.

When you buy more carrots in five pound bags and lament because they don't
come in 10 pound bags.

When you buy watermellon when you don't even like watermellon so that you
can give it to your horses.

When you spend more time ridding in your truck going to horse events than
you spend at home.

When the only pictures in your office have are of your horses.

The concept of sleeping in on the weekends has long since faded from your

When you known more about equine nutition than human nutrition and it

You get to the checkout at the grocery and the only things you're buying
are 5 gallons of corn oil and 10 pounds of carrots. Oh and maybe a frozen
burrito if you have enough money left...

All of your clothes have horsehair on them, even if they've never been
worn to the barn.

You keep a horse Grooma by the front door, to get the horsehair off of
your levis after riding bareback.

You're buying clothes, and you choose them on the basis of whether you
can wash horse slobber/manure out of them.

You grump at your husband for eating so much of the apple crop, for
fear there won't be enough left to last the horses until next year.

You live with electric fencing tape around the lawn, so the horses can
mow it for you.

You've got a perpetually skinned place on your knuckles or the heel of
your hand, from when the hoof rasp/pick slips....

Folks ask incredulously how many horses you have, because your
bulletin board at work is covered with 10 pictures of each horse and
only a couple of your spouse or your kids (human, canine, or feline).

You've forgotten what a vacation is, because you spend all your paid
time off (re)building fence, meeting the vet, going to shows, etc.

You're about to petition the Town Board and the County Commissioners to
grant you a variance to build a larger building than the zoning laws
... Where else is one s'posed to ride in bad weather?
... ( > $20,000 just to have a place to ride????)

You don't try to figure out your to-date-expenses for the critters, cuz
you don't want to know, and it doesn't matter. (It's the same with flying)

You get out of your warm bed at 3:00 AM, and go outside to let the
horses in cuz it's snowing (that wet, heavy stuff). If that's not enough,
you scrape off the snow, and even dry them off a little, before going back
to bed. (Only to leave for work at 6, and see them back outside, with 2
inches of snow piled on their backs. No, *that* won't happen again.)

Your breezeway/mud room has hay & crud all over the floor, a saddle on a
rack along the wall, misc. tack hanging from the chairs, muddy boots &
gloves, etc. lying about. Someone's coming to visit. You don't care.

After it snows, the pathway to the manure pile is the first thing that
gets cleared, then the front porch and sidewalk.

You aren't interested in watching the news, but have to, in order to catch
the weather, so you know if the barn needs to be left open for the horses.

Suppertime is generally at 8PM, and everyone has been home since before 5.

You RUSH to the front window to watch the horses run & buck in the pas-
ture, even if you're in the middle of a meal. Good, clean fun!

You trade your nice, nearly-new Suburban for a 1-ton 4x4 pickup, so you
can haul hay & straw for the critters. (And have that 454 engine for
pulling the trailer up those looooong hills.)

I have to second the one about not caring about horse hair in food, etc.

Not sure I should be admitting to this:

You find hay in your bed too :*)

- you launder your stable clothes before your work clothes (tho' sometimes
  the categories overlap).

- you'd rather stay up with a friend's sick horse than babysit her kids.
- you will babysit a friend's kids while she stays up with a sick horse,
  even though you HATE babysitting.

- you go on a diet for your horse's sake, but not your SO's.

- you giggle when the horse you're driving farts in your face.

You know you're a horse person when a new friend walks in your door
for the firt time. Takes a smell and says with a smile, "I didn't
know you had horses." ;)

... When your bicycle is mostly used as a bridle and saddle rack.

When the only thing your friends, colleagues, passing acquaintances can
think of when they see you is "How are the horses?" or "How many horses
do you have now?" or "Are you still riding?"

.. you get knocked down and split you lip wide open on the
horses halter because you were doing something yu KNOW you
shouldn't have been doing, and with blood running down your
face your first concern is making sure the horse is alright,
calmed down, and put in his stall. Then you go to the
hospital for stitches.

You take your notes to the barn and study for midterms while brushing
your horse

	you know you're a HORSE PERSON WHEN

You see Tracey brushing her horse and studying for midterms, and
you just nod to yourself: "of course."

  You spend more on that 6 year old jumper than you've EVER spent
  on a car!

  You get your income tax refund and the first thing you do is head
  for the tack shop.

  You go on a diet, not to be more attractive, but to be a better rider.

  Co-workers start pointing out green slobber or straw on your clothes.
  You solution is to start wearing exclusively "hunter green".

  Everytime you go to the stable, it takes 3 hours and you can't imagine
  where the time went.

Your first sign of spring isn't see a robin, but seeing a fly.

You know you're a horse person if you get a little whiff of manure smell
and breathe deeper to get the full impact. That goes double for the smell
of leather.

when your horse has its mane pulled more often than you get a
hair cut.

When you buy lime and grass seed instead of the clothes you
need for other work.

one of your favorite smells in the world is horse sweat on leather

when you are riding a bike and tell it "whoa" when you stop

after you just got steped on, and a non-horse person asks you if you are
alright, and you say "what"? not realizing what they are talking about.

when you tell a friend that you have to get home to feed your horse, which you
do.  this done while your own stomach growls, because you haven't eaten all
day.  you than decide it won't take that much longer to clean a few stalls.

you know you are a horse person And a Vet student when you can't remember the
word "heel" but instead refer to it as your "hock" (this is also done with
other "parts" of the body, etc)

you are one of the few people around that can fix "things" being used to
repairing fences, etc that you horses have taken down.

When you find shavings and hay in your pants...

When you use horse products for yourself (shampoo) because you can
only afford one or the other and you know shampoo for humaons is
not recommend for horses.

When you are donw down and depressed and you go and talk to your
best friend YOUR HORSE .

>Your first sign of spring isn't see a robin, but seeing a fly.

no, flies mean that warm weather is here to stay.  the first sign of spring
is horses shedding (make sure you stay upwind when brushing-got covered the
other day)

You go to the gas station and ask the attendant to check the air in the
"off hind" (and you know you're in Portola Valley when the young man
immediately walks to the right rear tire!)

  ...You live hand to mouth and somehow come up with the $800 for
emergency vet bills.

  ...a non-horsey co-worker asks how your horse is and you think:
"she's not doing very well since you just changed to a milder bit but
you want to give her a chance to get used to it.", and you say "Fine."
Because you know if you say what you are REALLY thinking, by the time
you're done, your co-worker will be sitting there with a blank look on
her face.

  ...You don't think that weather is just casual conversation.  It is
very important so that you can figure out your horse's wardrobe for the

  ...your house is "decorated" with bits, saddles, bridles, halters,
blanket racks, trunks, trophies and ribbons.

  ...there are bits soaking in your bathroom sink. save every horse magazine you have ever bought. show up at work with bran mash (unbeknownst to you) all over
the back of your coat.

  ...your car is the only one in the company parking lot with mud
splashes on the windsheild.

  ...your car is the only one in the company parking lot that has an
inch of dust INSIDE and when you open the door, a swarm of flies emerge. drive by ANY field ANYWHERE and look very hard for horses.
This includes trips to foreign countries.

  ...your horse gets vitamins and supplements everyday and you can't
remember to take vitamins yourself. can't make it to work because of bad weather, but somehow still
make it to the barn. feel tired all day at work and then go to the barn and ride 3
horses. can pinpoint anything you might need in 2 seconds in your tack
trunk but seem to have misplaced this month's electric bill.

  ...the first bills you pay each month are all horse related.  You
don't really *need* a phone anyway (unless you have to call the vet
-- oops, better pay that one).

You know you're a hunter/jumper/ct person when: count how many steps (strides) you take in between the cracks
in the sidewalk, the shadows of trees, etc.  You also know you're a
h/j/ct person if you count strides to the beat of the music in your car
and pretend that the telephone poles are the jumps (OK, now I'm showing
my compulsive behavior).

You kick the car floor to make it go.

Your mother has a run in the bottom of her hose and you tell her she has a
split hoof.  (My husband did this, not me.)

   You teach your little brother to skip by getting him to "canter",
then "switch leads" until he's doing one-tempi flying changes

...your car skids on the ice, you try to leg yield it away from the ditch
and onto the road. And it works.

You know you ride sidesaddle when:'s easier to drive stick, because you get to use your LEFT leg, too.
And your right hand moves the "cane" (gear shift).'s easier to sit on the sofa's arm than the cushions. walk into an antique store, see a fake hair bun, and think how
useful that would be if you ever got your hair cut.

you teach your sisters how to post on the arm of the couch before their
first riding lesson.

You longe your dog and she listens to you.

  Your baby shower gifts include a fleece seat saver.

  You do stalls the morning before your labor is to be induced.

  When the doctor tells you that they have to do a c-section your
  first question (much to your spouses horror) is how long will it be
  until I can ride?(and you are devastated  when he says 6 weeks)

Yer boss says "Gooood God! Are horses *all* you ever think about?! I mean
yaour whole life is surrounded by that dang horse. All your money, time,
vacation, friends, lunch breaks (trips to the tack store;*)), even the vehicle
that you drive. Man, its worse than being married!) And I just sit back and
smile and say, "Yep, now if I could only find a man who was as fanatical about
them as me!"

And when ya don't have to be asked by your non-horsey family what you want for
Christmas anymore, cuz they now get their own Horse catalogs.

...and when your neighbors who have horses as pasture ornaments think your
nuts to ride after work in the winter when its 25 degrees out, in the dark,
and come spring, there full of envy cuz your horse is in shape on those sunny
weekend days and you can ride for hours, and they can't cuz there critters are
balls of fat and fur!

You learn you will go on a trip driving from Mass. to New Hampshire
and the first thing that pops to your mind is: "Yes, I will finally
be able to visit State Line Tack"

and you know your spouse has accepted you as a horse person when
he who can't stand more than one hour at the mall tells you that there
should be a two hours time limit to your visiting State Line Tack.

Your "weekend away" with your SO is a trip to the trainer's farm for a
lesson... (just a quick note..Monte's passed his 30 day assessment and "I"
start riding this weekend :*)  )

Your truck looks like a bomb exploded in a tack shop...

When your "on the road again" and you leave a trail of shavings (out of
your shoes) across the expensive plush carpet in the hotel room and don't
feel guilty about it anymore (I did in the beginning, now I just don't
care cause I'm too tired most of the time)

Your 4-yr old son "honks" the horn on the western saddle and you spend
five minutes trying to explain the purpose of the horn...

Your laundry consists of horse blankets, saddle pads, bandages, breeches,
and lots and lots of dirty socks and everyone else in the house votes to
appoint you with a "laundry day" after which you've got to clean out the
machines 'cause no one else can stand the hair

You start a home-based business in order that you can quit your job and
devote more time to showing and the horses (yes I actually did this)

You fastidiously groom and bathe your horses, but your truck looks like it
was at the 4x4 mudruns

Your most prized possession is your saddles (next to the horses of course)

You spend your summer weekends travelling all over the country "on the
campaign trail" and insist that the kids come with you even though they
want to go to Marineland and you keep promising "after Regionals" but then
your to dang tired to go to the effort of planning the trip to Marineland
(I'm now planning a May/June trip to Marineland...probably May, after the
Spring Show and before Buckeye)

Your grocery list includes a 2lb bag of carrots for the house and a 10lb
bag of carrots for the barn

Well, today I was held prisoner for about 20 minutes by my new boots.

Oh, I guess you know you're a horse person when you're husband walks into
the bedroom and sees you wearing your underwear and tall black boots and
his only comment is "Oh, did the new boots finally arrive?"
************* pass a Marlboro billboard and immediately notice the horse's
color, conformation, possible breed, gait, tack, bit, expression, and
whether or not his mouth is being yanked on; but all you notice about the
cowboy was that it was some guy in a rain slicker. boyfriend gets worried when he overhears you talking to a friend:
"And he had the cutest butt!  I happened to be behind him for a while,
and practically couldn't take my eyes off his butt.  And he had really
nice legs, and a real strong back, and nice shoulders, and *such* a
pretty face!  He came over to say hello once.  What a handsome guy!"  When
you tell him that you were talking about a horse, he's not sure whether to
be reassured or get even more worried.  :-) watch "Brisco County Jr." just because of the horse, Comet.

My wife adds these -

 ... you stay up until two in the morning walking a colicky horse whose
name you don't know and whose owner you've never met.

 ... you are in a meeting, and you say something in Command Voice, and
someone asks you, "Do you train dogs, or something?"

when you start using baling twine to repair non-horse-related things

Also when you are in a bad mood and you're SO's immediate reaction is to send
you to the barn and offers to drive you.

When you come home from riding and your SO, who doesn't ride, asks how you're
baby is.

When you dump your first boyfriend b/c he doesn't understand your relationship
with your horse.

But having so many channels of television, I usually ZAP channels to find
horses, anything will do, I'd watch a western for the horses only :-)

When you teach little kids to skip by telling them to imagine
1) They're Hackney ponies
2) They're doing flying changes of lead

You know the kids are horsey when they do it.

How about:  You rush to the barn at 10pm when you get a call telling you
the starvation case you brought home last week has a badly swollen sheath.
Then, in sub-zero weather, you spend the better part of an hour trying to
clean it, and the better part of the hour after that you spend lunging the
poor fellow in sub-zero weather with a hefty wind chill, until he *finally*
manages to urinate.  But you don't mind, because you'll always treasure the
way he whinnied to you from the trailer, when you made a quick stop at the
conveniece store, and you'd do anything for such a loving, trusting soul...
And you still treasure that memory, even after nearly 20 years.

You get an abscessed tooth, you think it's from the popcorn you munched, and
you find out a piece of hay was embedded in your gum!

...someone asks for a screwdriver and you hand him a hoofpick (I know this was
mentioned before).  When he hands it back, you stick it in your mouth to free
both hands.  I did this last night without thinking about it.

... Instead of asking someone to move their foot/leg, you reach down and
tap their shin so they'll lift it up for you...
Boo-Boo (aka Otoes Taffy Apple AQH, CQH))

You know you're a horse person when you dread going to family
gatherings because you'll be the only horse nut in the crowd!!!

You know you are a horse lover when  you see a man jogging and think "gosh,
he'd really be doing much better if her were collected."

You know you are a horse lover when you get up at 8am and feel like you
have "slept in".

You know you're a horse person when you can never find a pen in your purse,
but you've got a hoof pick on the rare chance that you find a random horse
and feel the uncontrollable urge to pick its hooves.  Of course, this is
even funnier if you're horseless!

You know you're a horse person when you sneak into class because you're
late and promptly announce your entrance with a yelp when the hoof pick
you forgot you had in your back pocket jabs ya in the rear.  :-}

You know you're a horse person when you sprain your ankle and reach for a
roll of hot-pink VetRap.

This WWW page was converted to html format by,
Peter.D.Asprey (
An Undergraduate Student in Agriculture (BSc), at the University Of Aberdeen, Scotland.